Winter....

I think my brain has frozen over..... I just can't seen to able to write anything.
Any time I pick up the pen, I'm just like, what the hell! Dammit. I just want to write and I can't And its suffocating me.
Its like I'm just waiting to go off...like I'm just going to burst at any moment!
But I don't wanna! I want to write like I used to.
But I can't. God dammit!
This writers block....not a fan of it. Bleh!
Its like I'm holding my breath and can't seem to let go even though I desperately want to. Arggghhhh!
Somebody....help me!
---------------------
Phew!
That felt good.
Letting off of some steam, and all.

Hole in My Pocket

There's a hole in
my pocket.
Its a sweet
cool thing,
there's a hole in
my pocket,
it lets me do my thing.
I have an itch at
my thigh,
didn't know
how to get it,
but now
I'ma lucky,
coz there's
a hole in my pocket.
I put my
finger through it,
and wiggle ,
it around
its a sweet,
cool thing,
this
hole in my pocket.
Its my own
secret door,
like in
the victorian era,
its makes me
feel so cool,
this hole in my
pocket.

Hidden

The chair creaks
the sound echoes
in the silence of the room.
The sound of
my pen
scratching away
at the paper
is loud,
and daunting.
Word after word
I write
and word after word
I cut,
nothing seems good.
Restless, I feel,
the words locked
inside of me.
Wanting to get out,
escape
but not being able
to do so.
Hidden from me,
my words abandon me
in this time
of need.
Silence surrounds me,
suffocating me,
strangelling me.
Like a noose
around my neck,
tightening with
every passing minute.
I scramble for
breath,
and my words.
I feel like a
ticking bomb,
waiting to explode,
at any moment.
But still they hide,
beneath their hidden perch.
My words, oh words,
where have you gone?
Come back to me,
I promise
to fully pay my respects to you, and
I will
pay my dues to you.
Just come back.

20.2.2013

you waited too long,
and now its too late.
the time is up,
the countdown is over,
the finish line is in sight,
the end is near.
like pulling
a rug from
underneath me,
you took me
by surprise.
stumbling
unsure of my footing,
the ground is wobbly
beneath me.
like standing on
the edge of a
cliff
one slip
and
I fall.
down
down
down
into the looming
darkness.
but I will
find my
footing.
and i will be stable
and i will take
that leap
and fly down,
flying
and i will swim
to the
shore.

Her Corner

There she stands
at a street
corner.
In fish-net stockings
a miniskirt
and a dirty white tank
showing off
months of grime.
Her fingers
hold a smoke,
though it
doesn't get to her
dry lips.
When I pass by,
her lips form
into a teasing,
and what she hopes to be
a flirty smirk.
But it doesn't reach her eyes,
her eyes
tell a different story.
Heavy and dull
they tell her story
because everyone's got one.
There are circles under them,
dark purple,
they speak of long
and sleepless nights.
Her hair fall
limp,
and her body thin,
her clothes
barely holding up on her
body.
The street is
empty,
but I watch her.
Now that no one's here,
she throws away
her smoke
and her shoulders
slump.
Now that the street
is empty,
I watch
two tears fall
on her dirty tank,
soaking the cloth.
Someone comes up
and she stands
straight,
no sing of tears
except of the two dots
on her dirty
tank.
Slowly, she walks with him,
back straight
into the light of the
street.
But her eyes
lose their light
and I watch her
until she disappears
around another corner.

Yearning To Be An Adult

As a kid,

you wonder

how to be an adult

to talk

to walk

to behave like them

is one of our favorite pastimes.

We never get enough

of it.

We anticipate 

the day when we

finally turn to adults.

When we get to do

what we want.

Freedom, no care

and superiority

all these

glittered like gems 

in our childish eyes.

Waiting for us to

grab them

and enjoy them.

But I guess

the saying

"all that glitters is not gold"

is very much true.

It really isn't what

we had thought it out be.

What we had 

seen as glittering gems,

was nothing but,

shiny rock.

Rocks that were

buried underneath 

countless layers of

responsibility, fears,

doubts, insecurities

and judgment.

That by the time 

we even get to the

shiny rocks

they have already

lost their shine

and are brittle

After having born

such burden.

I guess, 

being an adult is not

all its made out to be.

For I long for the

childhood

that I wasted 

yearning to be an adult.

Black Hole

Everything
seems lost,
like a fog,
it settles around me.
Thick and unforgiving,
making my sight
blurry.
Don't know
which path I have taken,
Don't remember
the path I had taken
Reality and fantasy
Dream and nightmare
Don't know
one from the other
Merging into each other
like a complicated maze
from which
the key is hidden from me
to its escape.
Like a black hole
this feeling
sicks me in
till there is no more to take
and no more to give.

STRONG

Happiness,
Is that so much to ask for.
All I ask for
are those, few hours
of peace and content
yet, it is
too much, for you
as you
obviously
cannot see happiness
in my eyes.
It is too much for you,
you
like the high you get
from keeping
a person's happiness
in your palm.
The ability to
crush and destroy
or create.
You love it,
that's why
you like the tears in my eyes
for me to break down
But I won't
give you that
satisfaction.
I will be strong,
you will not see
my tears,
as you are not
worthy of them.
I will not break,
You cannot
break me.

Everything
seems lost.
Like a fog
it settles
around me.
Thick and unforgiving
making my sight
blurry
Dont know which
path I've taken
Don't remember
the path I had taken
Reality and Fantasy
Dream and Nightmare
Dont know
one from other
Merging into each other
like a
complicated maze
from which the
key is hidden from me
to its escape
Like a black hole
this feeling
sucks me in
till there is no more to take
and no more to give.

Black and white
Evil and good,
The 2 sides of
The same coin.
One cannot exist without the other
Because without one
The other would
Lose its value.

Angel and Devil
One makes the other.
If there was no Devil
Would anyone consider
The angel good?!
The Devil's presence is what makes
The presence of an Angel important.

If there was no sadness
Would people ever
Value happiness.

So,
Black and white
Evil and good
The 2 sides of the same coin.

Her Fire

The fire in her, burned
Bright and loud.
Her childlike laughter
Went round and round.
Toddling away she fell and slipped
She cried and screamed,
But never,
Did she stop.

As she grew,
To school she went
Teachers, rules and strict discipline
Was she taught.
Yet still no matter what
Her fire burned
Bright and loud.

As she grew,
She gained experiences,
Met new people
And experienced different situations.
She travelled the,
Hard and rough road
Complaining sometimes
Tears another,
But never quitting.

Now an old woman
With family around,
The laughter of her daughter
And daughter's daughter
Went round and round.
Her fire,
Though not so bright
Or loud,
Only a little subdued
Where her family and children
Will warm their hands
Against her knowledge and experience
The lessons of life,
She learned.

So,
Her fire burned a
Little subdued.
Not so loud anymore,
Yet bright as ever.

A Warning

The clouds are thundering,
Bolts of lightning,
Like swords of warning,
The rain peltin down on us,
Like a storm.
It seems as if,
The gods themselves,
Are furious and angry,
At the path we've taken.
Like a warning,
The lightning cracks,
To scare us, but
Its too late.
We've started and now can't turn back.
Our hearts are at stake now,
And we'd rather take hell, together
Than be apart in heaven.
Like a warning sign,
That we do not heed,
We go on and on,
Knowing the path will be rough,
But also knowing,
That no matter what,
We'll always be together
Forever.

I Want

To kill,
To murder,
To torture you
I want.

To punch,
To fight,
To kick your ass,
I want.

Yes, I do want this
Because I hate you.
With every fiber of my being

I want,
To punish you
For every tear,
Every fear,
Every doubt
That  I have about myself,
I want
To punish you.

Its suffocating
To keep it inside,
So I write it down,
That I want
To punish you,
For every
Single wrong that
You have dont to me
Yes, I want.

Anger

It simmers inside me
never blowing out,
yet never receding
like a dormant volcano it waits
for the final nail to my coffin
waits,
for me to break, waits,
for me to finally give in to it,
to finally open the door of its cage
like a balloon, its keeps blowing and blowing
till I can keep it no more
and like a balloon only
I will burst
and then, I don't think
even God itself could stop me
from controlling it back

PHOENIX

A phoenix
rises out of the ashes
that consumes her, only to be burned again
Like a phoenix, I will rise again
out of the fire that consumes me
only to be consumed by it again
submitting myself to it
because, I don't have any choice
becuase my choice was my made when I heard his name!
A drug, an antidote
Bad or good
Call it whatever you want it
I don't care
All I care, All I want is
to submit myself  fully to it
No matter the consequence
My devotion to him
is the only thing I can show
even though he is probably
unaware of even my existence
and sitting thousands of miles away
I still don't care
but like a phoenix
I will be consumed in this again and again
only to be burned again and again
but I will rise
Soon, like a phoenix.

The Day I Lost My Bat

The wind is blowing
The birds are chirping
But even their chirp
Echoes sadnes, and even
The wind mourns the loss.
Today I've lost someone
Who was very close to my
Heart, he could tell
When I wanted to be cheered up,
He could tell
When to just be with me
Without saying anything
His mere presence
Would fill me with
Safety and comfort
but now that he's no more
I'm feeling incomplete and empty
I'm really sad.
Because today's the
Day when
I lost my bat.

No Escape

Like ring-a-round-a-rosy
people all around me
closing in on me
leaving no escape
their voices
getting louder
the closer they come
their wishes
their problems
and me in the middle
asking me
begging me
to solve their problems.
but who listens to me
no one.
who is the one person
who will hear my voice
above this chaos?
above this deafening noise?
when will that one person
come, who will
ask me
" tell me, what do you fear?
I will fix it"
still waiting
still hearing
for that one person, that one voice
that will give me
my escape.